Last night the world was given the latest gift of Gaga glam: the video for "Telephone."
The video is nearly ten minutes long... and oh good lord is it epic. The opening credits immediately convey the pseudo retro aesthetic popularized by Quentin Tarantino (and the video is certainly a tribute to his filmmaking, since it features death, intrigue, and The Pussy Wagon of Kill Bill fame). The "Telephone" video is said to be part two to "Paparazzi" and I think that is very clear since it begins in jail (where the last video left off), there are more murders (poison again), and as always our lovely Lady rocks outlandish looks and becomes a striking caricature of sexuality.
As Gaga is thrust into prison and stripped down (because Gaga MUST be naked at some point in a video as anyone with a body like that should be naked as much as possible) we hear the hilarious line, "I told you she didn't have a dick." I looooove that she openly addresses the rumors that she is secretly a man and just makes it into a joke. So well handled.
Then Gaga enters the jail yard wearing smoking cigarette sunglasses and proceeds to make out with a butch lesbian. Unnecessary? Probably, but we love it anyway. It's just after the kiss that the TELEPHONE call comes and the actual song begins (well, it begins after a totally random, brutal girl fight). Although the video doesn't really make any sense with the actual song, it is incredibly entertaining and so we buy it.
Around this point we are introduced to another major theme of the video: PRODUCT PLACEMENT. In order, here are the brands represented in "Telephone": Virgin Mobile, Diet Coke, Plenty of Fish, Wonder Bread, Miracle Whip, and Polaroid. Honestly, I don't get any of them except Polaroid since Gaga is the new creative director for the company. But seriously, Plenty of Fish? REALLY? I have to question Gaga's reasoning in including the advertising--obviously she's not strapped for cash and I can't remember anything particularly brand oriented in the films to which it pays homage.
Luckily for Gaga, she is bailed out of prison by none other than Beyonce as "Honey B." As they drive away in The Pussy Wagon they exchange weird non-existant idioms, Beyonce scolds Gaga in a very seductive voice, and B feeds Gaga a granola bar thing. It's a bizarre sequence, but Beyonce's entrance really makes the video transcendental. Although Gaga does have some cool looks (like the caution tape and the various phone interpretations), she walks a fine line between tranny and pin up. Beyonce on the other hand just looks like an absolute sex goddess--in comparison to her hot yellow dress in the diner, Gaga looks like a train wreck (especially in the weirdo leopard suit).
The video is full of random little touches like Japanese subtitles and German counting. "Paparazzi" opened with Swedish dialogue so I guess the multi-lingual aspect is to represent that Gaga is an international Lady? In the end the video says "To be continued..." and so while "Telephone" may be over the top, confusing, and unsettlingly entertaining, we certainly have not seen the end of Honey B and the Fame Monster. Thank god.
