Alli hasn't slept all night, probably because of the giant baby presumably rolling around in her stomach just waiting to be a pimple-faced niner. Jenna is still unsure about Alli being pregnant because she hasn't gotten tested yet but Alli's like, "listen, wench. Do you not know what happens at Degrassi? You have sex and then you get pregnant. It's just the way things work around here. Just because you ignore your child doesn't mean it's not real." Alli's mom comes in with presents and party announcements to celebrate her daughter graduating sluthood and Jenna sighs, because Alli has a point about that thing... what thing? Right, her kid. What was his name again?

At school, Jake is trying to make Principal Simpson eat his organic vegetables because he's been looking kinda sickly lately. Katie's there for zero reasons but either way, Simpson seems to go along with Jake's plan of building a greenhouse on the roof so he can prove to his daddy that college is stupid.

Alli is trying to save the world from breast cancer but GODDAMMIT ALL THESE GRADE 12 ENGLISH CATCH-UP BOOKS ARE IN THE WAY. Dave, who was apparently standing around waiting for a book tornado to happen, comes to her rescue and figures, "hey, this is the perfect time to remind you that your life is about to be terrible!" It seems to work when he puts forward the idea of deferring from MIT for a year, especially because Alli can't just leave Jenna and Clare. I mean, Jenna's still in baby denial and someone has to pull Clare away from Eli's face every once in a while.

Campbell, who is either gay or just really shy, is nervously hanging with Maya in the caf, but this is Mo's episode to be an asshole and he calls him out for having good luck clover boxers. When Maya comes to his defense, Campbell's alter ego—let's call him Bitchtits McGee—freaks out on her because HE CAN DEFEND HIMSELF, HE'S A HOCKEY PLAYER GOING THROUGH A SUPER ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW BEING FAR AWAY FROM HOME WITHOUT HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND HE JUST NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT IF HE'S GAY OR JUST REALLY CONFUSED OR POSSIBLY CONSTIPATED, OKAY?!

Alli and Clare head to the clinic and Clare gets all judgy when Alli tells her about her plan to stay with Dave if she's pregnant. Clare's like, "Listen, hun. Just get an abortion if you really want to. It seemed to work out super well for Manny. Liberty didn't get an abortion and her boyfriend died. Jenna didn't get an abortion and now she's in complete denial that she even has a child. Pretty sure abortions are winning this race. Plus, you won't even have to worry about new clothes!" Alli agrees, and starts to consider this miraculous baby eraser plan.

In the girls' bathroom, Campbell is having a full-on conversation with alter ego Bitchtits McGee is throwing water on Campbell's face and telling him to GET IT TOGETHER BRO HOCKEY IS LIFE. Of all people, Bianca walks in and assumes she's being stalked because every single individual thing at Degrassi orbits around Bianca DeSousa's breasts. Campbell starts crying because HE ACTUALY CAN'T DEFEND HIMSELF, HE'S A HOCKEY PLAYER GOING THROUGH A SUPER ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW BEING FAR AWAY FROM HOME WITHOUT HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND HE JUST NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT IF HE'S GAY OR JUST REALLY CONFUSED OR POSSIBLY CONSTIPATED, OKAY?! After considering maybe just getting an entire box of Playtex tampons and plugging them up his nose, Bianca helps him see that people only make fun of him because they're jealous, and Bitchtits McGee is like, "Gee willikers, really? Guess I should just be myself and find real friends."  

Katie asks Jake if she knows what he's doing building on a roof and Jake says yes so that must be all the research Katie Matlin knows how to do. Within three seconds, Jake is smashing pipes on the roof and getting soaking wet—and not in the sexy way. Katie's just kinda standing around because after the whole black hair thing she's not sure what else to do on the show.

Alli tells the recruiter that she'd like to defer for a year and the recruiter starts laughing so hard that milk gushes out of her nose, and then she downs an entire glass of water and does a spit take all over Alli's face. That's MIT speak for LOLNO. She goes home and tells Dave the bad news, and then explains the magical baby deleter plan. Dave gets to judging so quick and so fast that it makes Alli's head spin.

Jake figures out that the best way to fix the pipe burst would be with a bucket. That's all. I'm just leaving that there.

Alli's mom comes in to put a fresh, thick layer of guilt all over her daughter because it's been 5 minutes and she needs a new coat. Alli asks her mom about the possibility of not going and her mom says, "Sure, honey. I want you to do whatever you want with your life. But can you blame me for wanting you to go to one of the best schools in the country to save the world from breast cancer when the only other option is to slut yourself all over the town? I'm pretty sure I'm winning this and you're losing." Alli officially accepts her MIT offer in front of everyone and Dave sulks.

Dallas wants to talk about sluts on the way to the hockey game but he has yet to meet the sassy stylings of Bitchtits McGee, who smiles like a jerk, puts on his Beats, and turns away. Campbell's happy about this.

Jake's dad comes to the rescue and explains that he doesn't want Jake to be in construction for the rest of his life when he can go to University and not be in construction for the rest of his life. They come to a compromise: Jake can learn from him if he applies to University. This is obviously a trick so that Jake can become an incredibly rich doctor and his dad can say HAHA, GOT YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID.

Alli tries to comfort Dave, who selfishly calls Alli selfish for being selfish. Alli says, "Listen, gonna think about my future," and Dave responds with, "BUT YOUR FUTURE IS ME!" Alli starts giggling on the inside because this is really stupid but on the outside she is very close to tears. Then she gets the call from the clinic, telling her… we don't know yet!

The hockey team is at Little Miss Steaks celebrating their apparent win, because there is literally no single other restaurant in Degrassi Town. After Bitchtits McGee sasses off Dallas and the boys yet again, Campbell reappears to put the moves on Maya. After he apologizes for Bitchtits' actions, Maya forgives him, and he asks her to hang out some time! I'm not sure if he meant with Campbell or with Bitchtits, but either way, Maya's got a date, you guys! And clover panties, apparently.

Alli is working in the lab when Dave (who has been really creepy when it comes to stalking Alli this episode) apologizes for being a dick yesterday. After Alli reveals that she's actually not pregnant, Dave is relieved because it means that they can be a normal couple. Too bad Alli has changed her mind completely—not just about having a baby, but about being with Dave and focusing on anything , and dumps him on the spot. This is crushing! Who is Dave supposed to stalk now?

SumOlogy: Heartbreaking decisions made, but one of the best episodes of the season so far.

Grade: B+

Leftovers

We have yet to land a classic episode, but so far, Showdown has felt miles ahead of other summer series. I really like the characters this time around and how everything is interweaved together, and it feels tighter than other years have been. What do you think, though? Comment!

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