Previously on The Real World, Laura talks to Trey in baby voices? Didn't know that. Does she do it with his penis in her mouth? Hm. Episode 4!
LaToya stole the hairbrush of Swift's Massive Deltoids and threw it in the woods, and if that's not flirting 101 then I don't know what is. Next thing you know, they're frolicking in the sun and just bitin' each other in the neck like ol' lovers.
GIANT IGUANA! Laura wants to catch it just like she likes to capture anything long and thick inside her vagina. She picks it up and names it Ingrid and Trey is seething at this giant new replacement dick of hers.
Party time! Brandon promises not to fight a townie this time, so while he gets to #MackinOnHoes, Trey points out how couple-y LaToya and Swift's Silk Sweaters are together. Where's my Robb and Marie action at, though?!
Marie and LaToya go down to beach and find a giant fish. Marie wants to put in a guy's bed, but has to figure out how to touch it without touching it. She throws it in their shower while puking the entire time.
"Let's go look up diseases from dead fishes."
Robb and Swift's Super-Sensitive Nostrils wake up and smell the rotting fish in their shower. And then they go back to sleep, because… okay, there's a fish-y/vagina joke in there somewhere, I'll work on it later.
Marie tells the boys that Laura planted the fish because lying is the best policy here. Robb and Swift's Super-Active Brain decide to take the fish and put it in Laura's kayak, until something something something not quite sure and Swift's Booming Voice is SCREAMING because he injured his foot in the water! Toya don't curr.
Swift's Tender Toes seek assistance from Robb and Marie. Robb's like "what hurts" and Marie's like "ALCOHOL FIXES EVERYTHING" so Swift goes with option number 2. Swift gets plastered and Laura walks up all innocent because she didn't do it! And if she didn't do it and if Marie didn't do it (even if she did), then that means LaToya—who's on the phone with a bunch of #blackmanproblems—must have done it!
Someone has to pee on Swift's Delicate Feet, but he's wasted and not having that, so he's gonna have to go to the doctor.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's even funnier."
We have to get Swift's Slurring Drunkenness to the hospital, but only after he drops this gem of wisdom:
"Honestly, I feltalittlebitofabitchwhenyoucarriedme."
Even when he's drunk, it still hurts! Marie is so awesome for doing this. Swift's Spinning Anger is screeching at LaToya and she's just takin' it for some reason. Why is she letting him yell at her? Whatever. I don't like whimpy Toya. I'm not here for this!
While Robb and Marie carry the drunken fool to the hospital, Toya sits on the dock of the bay and watches the tide roll onto the bay. Swift's doctor prescribes walking (really?!), and our fallen soldier finally calls off the war against the sea urchins. Swift has to pay the bill and all of a sudden he's like I STUDIED THIS! Which means nothing.
Back on the boat, life's still awkward for LaToya and Swift drips compliments all over Robb and Marie as she keeps lying about who put the barracuda in the boys' tub. Okay, starting to like Marie a liiiitle less, cuz she doesn't seem to care about Toya's feelings either.
We get back to the house and Marie is STILL GOING ON with the prank, like SOMEONE ELSE PUT THE BARRACUDA IN THE TUB BECAUSE IT DEFINITELY WASN'T ME HINT HINT WINK WINK I WOULD NEVER DO THAT THOUGH SERIOUSLY I DIDN'T DO IT.
Laura and Trey bore me this week. Even their jokes about blue balls aren't doin' it while LaToya's heart is slowly breaking.
LaToya sucks it up and attempts to mend things with Swift's Stupid Stupid F*cking Face and he's too busy talking down to her in order to actually accept her apology. Guess they're not talking anymore. Great, now my heart's crushed.
Toya and Marie then come up with the incredibly brilliant plan to blame the barracuda on BRANDON, who is officially the most gullible person in Real World history. Then we go out and the two house black people are still mad at each other. When will the madness end?!
SumOlogy: This episode broke my heart. Yet I still watched it.
Grade: B-
Leftovers
So how was Brandon the most normal one in the house this week?
I think I'd let someone pee on my foot. If they were hot.
---
Follow on Ology: Terron R. Moore | TVOlogy
Follow on Twitter: @cityfitch | @TVOlogy
Comments (2)