The Organizers of the 2012 London Olympic Corporate Party Games would like to inform you that you are not allowed to bring fun things with you to the games. No frisbees, you guys. No pick-in-ick baskets. No vuvuzelas.
Also no political attire, and no "food in excessive amounts." Obey, or her Lordship the Queen will banish you to Australia, with all the other criminals.
The London Olympics announced today a list of prohibitted items at this year's games, and a perusal of the banned items reveals the three goals of the London Games: 1.) Keep fans from throwing shit onto the fields/athetic venues or making a racket, 2.) Keep them from mixing politics into sports and 3.) Keep them from eating anything other than McDonald's.
| Related: All The Olympic News Fit To Print |
Health food chain Mickey-D's, a YUGE Olympic sponsor, has built the world's largest McDonald's restaurant at the games. It seats 1,500 and goddammit they intend to keep it filled. So no bringing in "food in excessive amounts," which is just so deliciously vague and hilarious. Also: certainly at McDonald's urging, other food sellers are not allowed to sell chips (and by chips, they mean french fries).
This note, written by the London Organizing Committee and circulated to food caterers, is one of the funniest things I've ever read:
"Due to sponsorship obligations with McDonald's, Locog have instructed the catering team they are no longer allowed to serve chips on their own anywhere within the Olympic park. The only loophole to this is if it is served with fish.
"Please understand this is not the decision of the staff serving up your meals, who given the choice would gladly give it to you however they are not allowed to.
"This is being escalated through to the directors of L2012C and Locog and the IOC.
"Please do not give the staff grief; this will only lead to us removing fish and chips completely."
PLEASE DON'T GIVE US ANY GRIEF, YOU GUYS! DON'T MAKE US BAN FISH & CHIPS ENTIRELY! The horror! The horror!
Excuse me. As I was saying, no political shit, and no fun stuff either.
"Balls, rackets, frisbees or similar objects or projectiles, noisemakers such as hunting horns, air horns, klaxons, drums, vuvuzelas and whistles," are all banned.
"Large flags (bigger than 1 metre x 2 metres), oversized hats, and large golf-style umbrellas," are not allowed. We're looking at you, Mexico.
"Flags of countries not participating in the Games" are banned, except for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, which isn't even really a country.
No weapons of course, unless you're a Sikh, in which case you may bring your ceremonial kirpan dagger. Everyone else, you know who to turn to if shit goes down.
Also, and here's the coup de gras, you may not bring "any objects or clothing bearing political statements," which is as deliciously vague as the ban on "food in excessive amounts," and essentially just gives the Brits carte blanche to boot anyone they want on account of something about them amounts to a "political statement." But, for example, this fellow who ran naked through an Olympic torch parade this week would be right out.
So if you're going to the London Olympics this year, remember: stay safe, stay a-political, and eat McDonalds.
God save the Queen, you guys.
--
Follow on Ology: Bison Messink | 2012 Olympics
Follow on Twitter: @BisonMessink | @OlogySports
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!